Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
