You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
