just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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