small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
