Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
