Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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