I heard we made out
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
