you guys were way drunker than both of me
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I want her autograph on my taint
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize