hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
