I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
