Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Drunk is not a location!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
