My Higher Power is John Stamos
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
as a side note pls kill me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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