nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
