everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
