Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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