Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You are the jesus of drinking
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
