Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
