I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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