Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
