ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
