I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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