I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
