I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
