Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
