fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
