I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
