You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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