Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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