he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
