i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
