it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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