Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
