Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
