Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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