maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
