btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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