Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
