The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
