when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
