I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
