dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
