i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
