it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I am mentally ready for anal.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
