I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
