she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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