Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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