I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize