They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
