Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
