That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize