I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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