I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize