Your dad touched me again.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
