hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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