No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
