Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
