So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize