True but thats because hes a fetus.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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