1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
