this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize