I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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