Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
