Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
