Pappa wants mamma naked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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