Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
