GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
