i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
