I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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