Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
