You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
