Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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