dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
