Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
