Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
