Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
