hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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