Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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