you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
