So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Found the puke drawer
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
