So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
