Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
