We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
