What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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