I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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