So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
