I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
