he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
