did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
