I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
