Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
