I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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