did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
