Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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